3 months post-grad

Ever since graduating I’ve enjoyed a great degree of freedom. I finally feel like I’m wholly in control of the direction my life is taking. But what I didn’t realize until now is that I’m also completely *responsible* for the direction my life is taking, and I wasn’t ready for the pressures that came with that.

While I was in school I’d have plenty of off-days, sometimes even weeks. These would be times I lose the drive to do anything and feel generally down about things. Let’s say I felt like that for a week during school. It wouldn’t affect me as much as it does now because even if I didn’t manage to accomplish much during that week, I’d still be a week closer to the end of the semester and thus a week closer to graduating. I’d still make progress. Now when I get a week like that, like the one I just came out of, a week later I’m still in the same place as I was at a week before. So while I do enjoy the freedom to move my life in any direction I want, it’s taxing to be constantly aware of the fact that if it feels like I’m not making much progress in my life it’s probably because I’m not doing enough.

Maybe I won’t always feel this way. Until then I’ll try to see whether I’ll finally master the art of never sleeping again to make use of all those precious nighttime hours or if I’ll finally hit a good work/life balance. Whichever comes first.